Lovers Painted Monochrome
by Renjenn
Summary: Ciel waits– wants– to be found after his newly-demonic self is kidnapped. But the butler never comes. The years pass in a blur, and Ciel's solitude is interrupted by the return of troublesome shinigamis, useless allies, and old friends. But new pieces have been added to the board while the Earl's been away, and there is always the sense of familiar eyes watching...


Chapter One: _You'd Like to Stay in Heaven…_

**Title: **Lovers Painted Monochrome

**Rating: **M

**Pairings: **SebaCiel, and some _very _OOC Ciel pairings that I just _know _I am going to get strange looks for (figuratively)

**Warnings: **Slash. Some gore, language, angst, mentions of suicide, character death. Some liberties taken with canon timeline.

**Summary: **Ciel waits– _wants–_ to be found after his newly-demonic self is kidnapped. But the butler never comes, and Ciel's anger grows parallel to his feeling of betrayal. After their separation, the years pass in a blur, until Ciel's solitude is interrupted by the return of troublesome shinigamis, useless allies, and old friends. But new pieces have been added to the board while the Earl's been away, a there is always lingering sense of familiar eyes watching…

**AN: **Hello! Really looking forward to this one. Is everyone as excited about _Book of Circus _as I am? Alright, this takes place a quite few years after Ciel's turning, but with many of the same characters. It may have some mentions of manga events or characters, but for now this is anime universe.

****NOTE**: This may bother some people, but I'll be messing with the timeline a bit so Ciel's born about thirty years earlier, so that I have a little bit of wiggle room concerning the time period. I'm very fond of the Victorian era, and I would like to keep that as the setting.

**DISCLAIMER: **Renjenn will never own the magnificent world of Black Butler. Lyrics at the beginning belong to Florence and the Machine.

**88888888**

_Are you hurting the one you love?_

_When they watch the walls and the ticking clock_

_Are you hurting the one you love?_

_And was it something you could not stop_

**88888888**

Ciel snarled as yet another hurried merchant bumped into him. He had been touched more in the past three days visiting the markets of India than he had in the past six years altogether. As he walked, the Earl schooled his expression and stared at the tall, darkly-clad man at his side. Sebastian offered no help against the surging crowds. In fact, he did not even look at his master, seemingly fascinated by the market stalls.

Pale features ached to twist into a grimace, and Ciel turned his face away sharply.

A chance to return the favor of being disregarded presented itself as the two neared their lodgings. The innkeeper was a pretty, middle-aged woman who flirted with the butler every time they passed the counter. As they neared the counter, Ciel quietly ordered Sebastian to stop and entertain the woman. Dismissing the murderous fuchsia gaze and pushing away the peculiar clenching of his heart, Ciel gazed back expressionlessly and started up the stairs.

Ascending the many steps alone gave Ciel time to examine his decaying relationship with his contracted demon, as he had been doing often lately. The other man quite obviously resented the new terms of the contract, as was blatantly evident from his reaction to Ciel's awakening. However, the young earl had not predicted things escalating to this level.

There was no amount of affection or respect between the two as there had been when Ciel had been human. And the sentiments _had_ existed, and although never expressed by the two they had been strong and binding in nature. Sebastian had not dressed the earl or made food for him in years, despite the fact that it pained him to go so obviously against the contract, which called for Sebastian to be an eternal butler. But the small rebellions continued.

Ciel did not believe it was possible for Sebastian to completely break the contract, but these small actions of defiance were troublesome and possibly dangerous. And Ciel was powerless to stop them.

Upon reaching his room, Ciel felt an unwanted presence hiding in the shadows beyond his bed. _Kidnappers,_ Ciel just barely withheld a snort of disdain, _Now this is familiar._ They must have been part of the underground drug network he had been tracking in order to relieve his boredom. The earl thought briefly of disposing of them then and there, but that idea held no interest to him.

_Perhaps… _

Ciel pondered his new plan, weighing the personal cost against the probable benefits and consequences. _Hn, yes. That will do nicely. _

He'd let them take him, then use his kidnapping as a test of Sebastian's loyalty. The longer it took for the butler to arrive, the less he felt for his master and the more Ciel would need to be wary of him. With the way the other demon had been acting lately, Ciel was expecting around seven to eight hours, if he didn't call.

Yes, Ciel was positive his butler would reach out for him in less than twelve hours. _Not too much time out of the day_, Ciel nodded to himself. The knowledge this stunt would reward far outweigh losing the element of surprise.

He continued planning out the next few days even as he was attacked and a heavy object came cracking across the back of his head.

_I'll send Sebastian after the rest of the dealers after we clean up after this little affair– I'd like to know what the motives of this little stunt were. _His rather mundane thoughts continued to spin lazily.

Even as Ciel was carted off to some dingy, dusty hideout, it never occurred to him that Sebastian may not come, or that his plan may cost him more than he realized.

**88888888**

Sebastian stalked angrily to the rooms he currently shared with the Earl. _What does that brat think he's doing, taking advantage of the contract like that? _The eternal butler dredged up the remains of his composure upon nearing the door, but hesitated before entering.

_The lord is likely to remain straight-faced and unaffected when presented with your anger, as usual of late– _he thought sourly, uncharacteristically running an agitated hand through his hair. Logically, he knew that his Lord had a reason to be frustrated with Sebastian's behavior, but demons lived incredibly long and he was infuriated by the concept of spending eternity as a _servant._ But this unmoved, stoic response was not what he had expected from his master.

It was, if Sebastian dared to admit it (even if only ever to himself) exceedingly unsettling. During life, the young Lord had been a fiery personage. He was a scrambled mess of anger, torn pride, and tender, soul-deep pain. He had burned so _brightly_, and it was all Sebastian could do to tear his eyes away and refrain from running gloveless hands along pale skin to see if the searing heat of the boy's flame could warm even the unredeemable.

But now… Now the boy– _man–_ was cold. A frozen hearth was all that remained of a once roaring blaze, and the ice chilled and drew blood from those who attempted to break through the glacial shield.

And it drove Sebastian absolutely _insane_.

In the early years, he hadn't noticed the slow freeze of his master's… heart?– he supposed that must be, though the Phantomhive claimed his was far too shattered to feel much of anything anymore–, too caught up in his festering hatred and regret. Now though, the younger demon's impassive attitude made fury rush through Sebastian's veins with vengeance.

(perhaps, somewhere, Sebastian recognized that his anger with this new persona his lord adopted was because it symbolized his own failure– but that small portion of logic was currently drowned in a wash of rage)

Fists clenching and unclenching, Sebastian glowered at the door, already imagining the blank look in dazzling eyes and the empty expression upon those pale, regal features. He grimaced and loosed his tensed shoulders, preparing for another antagonistic confrontation. Settling his own expression into something of an aloof nature, the butler pulled open the door.

The room was empty.

Eyebrows raised, Sebastian examined his surroundings in detail. _Well, the Lord certainly wouldn't have left by himself_, the demon's gaze caught sight of his lord's crumpled coat, laying disregarded by the window. Peering out, he found a rope tied rather perilously to the lower portion of the pane, where the glass had been knocked out. _Kidnapped, then._

Linking his fingers together behind his back, Sebastian considered his options. He could use the contract to find the Earl now, thus saving any further conflict between them. Or– Sebastian's lips slid into a wicked grin, revealing sharpened teeth– _or_, he could do _nothing_.

The lord would have to call him eventually, he thought, still smirking smugly. _Maybe this'll knock a reaction out of the little ice prince_. The butler's eyes flashed fuchsia.

**88888888**

A week later, and Ciel was cold and aching and _scared. _He had misjudged the situation rather terribly– though the organization hadn't known of his demonic nature, they had had a priest with them, and not one of those bloody phonies either. No, this priest was angelically-gifted, and had recognized and bound Ciel in some sort of holy chains before the earl had even noticed what he was doing.

Ciel twitched, failing to withhold a groan. And oh how the things _burned._

Sebastian hadn't reached him, even when he called, the leader of this shitty operation had yet to confront him, and he struggled to keep his sanity, teetering on the edge of a sea of painful memories with every stroke of the priest's knife against his skin and every leer of the men. It didn't help that his entire world had been torn from him the instant Ciel realized that Sebastian _wasn't coming_.

And Sebastian had been his world. For three years, Ciel had depended upon Sebastian for everything from the food he ate to the destruction of his enemies. Sebastian had become so much _more_, so much greater than simply his butler and it _hurt_ to think that the demon had abandoned him after nine years (nine? Had it really been nine years since the burning mansion and the humiliation and the pain?) of companionship.

Had Ciel's company really been so torturous to him? Had the thought of being with Ciel eternally been so horrid as to prompt the older to get rid of him for good? And to think, for years Ciel had managed to convince himself that Sebastian cared–

An animalistic growl echoed around Ciel's small cell, startling the guards who were standing tensely and nervously just outside Ciel's view. Mismatched eyes snapped up towards the hall, where clumsy footsteps skittered nearer. Another of the men fumbled his way into the room, cursing as he dropped a ring of keys. "Oi! You two! Boss says he wants to talk to the kid."

Ciel felt the air move as the guards shifted and exchanged glances. "O-okay Grant, we'll get 'im." One of the men took the keys and unlocked the door, then leaned forward to undo the lock which fastened Ciel's chains to the wall with shaking fingers.

As soon as the blessed chains were released from the wall, the shadows around the boy began to writhe. The earl burst into motion, snapping the neck of the guard in front of him and then leaping at the two behind.

The connection between himself and Sebastian remained unchanged. _So he wasn't even nearby, watching for a good time to help._ The knowledge that Sebastian hadn't done anything, hadn't expressed any concern or even lifted a finger to help his… his…

A wretched thought loomed in Ciel's mind then. Perhaps he wasn't _anything_ to Sebastian. Maybe he wasn't worth anything in the demon's eyes, maybe he meant _nothing _to him. And that– the idea that his companion held no feeling at all for him– that took ahold of the cold remains of Ciel's heart and _ripped_.

_Fine! _Ciel sneered suddenly, with a broken sort of hatred (_the kind which comes when one has no one left to turn to and so turns on the world_– _but Ciel was not thinking about how much Sebastian had meant to him, he was not_) and yanked his arms forward, catching the next man with the length of his bonds.

The guards lasted only seconds, and the men patrolling the halls even less as Ciel stalked the hideout, fueled by pain and anger and feeling, for the first time in six years, truly like the demonic creature he had become.

Mere minutes later, Ciel watched the head drug dealer bleed out with cold, empty eyes. _So they had recognized him._ Ciel thought blankly. _The danger of remaining in a British province, I suppose. I shall have to be more careful if I do not wish anymore trouble._ He very carefully did not think about the singular 'I' in his future– no longer was there a _'we'._

Ciel used the dead priest's blessed knife to cut through the cuffs of his chains and stared with fury at his wrists, rubbed raw and oozing, and most certainly _not healing._ It seemed he would have yet another physical reminder of one of the worst nights of his life.

As he slipped out the window into the cool, dark night, Ciel refused to ponder the gaping hole by his side and how utterly wrong it felt to be saving himself, for once.

Instead, he closed his eyes and felt for the aura of Sebastian. It was warm, strong, and _familiar,_ like home…

Ciel's mismatched gaze snapped open and he flung the energy back with all his might._**(1)**_

**88888888**

Sebastian sighed, sat on the dusty inn bed, and flicked open his pocket watch. It had been ten days since he had seen the young master, ten days during which he had left the boy in the hands of those drug dealers. Quite honestly, he was surprised that the boy had not escaped yet and come to scold him for his incompetence.

Lips lifted in a cutting sneer. He had decided, after deliberating, not to go to the Earl's side at all. _Think of it as… training. _Sebastian had reasoned gleefully to himself. _Now that he is a demon, my master will need to learn to take care of himself sometimes._

Sebastian would only ever admit it to himself, in the very deepest parts of his mind, but he was being petty. It was not the young Phantomhive's fault that the contract had been extended indefinitely, or that he was unaware of his butler's feelings on the matter. His misdemeanor the past years had not only been a statement to his lord of how unhappy he was, but a plea– _Sebastian laughed depreciatingly, after all, when last did he beg?_– for his master to notice his displeasure and to _do something about it._

The young lord held such sway over him that there was no doubt in his mind that Sebastian would eventually adjust to being under his master's command infinitely. But for the time being, Sebastian had wanted the beautiful boy to yell, to scream, to act somehow as he had before to give some indication that things between the two of them could eventually go back to the slightly-unstable but mutual respect from their lives as watchdog and butler.

But Sebastian's actions had produced no such results. Instead, the earl had responded with an increasing disregard for _anything_, as though he had heard Sebastian's wishes and was acting directly opposite just to spite him.

Sebastian's hands, previously clenching and ripping the sheets without their owner's consent, twitched as he felt the young master tug on the contract bond yet again. This the first call in many days, and Sebastian straightened in surprise. He had thought that Ciel must have given up calling him after he had ignored the first ones.

A dark brow furrowed as the connection between them tightened further. This was not a normal call, which was a simple yank on the link. What could his earl possibly be doing with–

Sebastian's eyes widened and he lurched forward, fingers clawing desperately at his chest; sharp nails punctured skin and blood stained a white shirt but the demon couldn't care, couldn't bring himself to even think about caring because all he _could _think was that _Ciel was gone._

Leaping up in a flurry of movement, Sebastian all but threw himself out the window and tore through the darkened streets towards the hideout where he knew Ciel had been held. He didn't even acknowledge the dead men littering the halls of the house, nor the clearly unskilled nature of the kills, his mind was jumbled– _Ciel was gonegonegone there's a hole there's a hole in my chest Ciel you can't have died you can't you're not gone_– and he just barely stopped short of praying to the god he no longer worshiped that Ciel wasn't dead.

Sebastian slowed in front of the cell which should have held his master. He stared at the scene in mild horror. Though there was no cooling body of his lord, blood spilled into pools which marked the east wall– where a lock used to secure chains hung. Sebastian hissed as he stepped forward and recognized the aura of one of the Blessed upon it. They were usually no threat as they did not possess enough power to harm older demons and new demons were… rarely born…

Paling, the servant whirled about and tore down the hall towards the central part of the building, where the leader would most likely be located. _He has escaped, _Sebastian attempted to convince himself. _He has escaped and is waiting for you above the cooling bodies of his enemies, arms crossed, and impatiently tapping his slim fingers on his forearm. He will scold you for your lateness when you enter, and you will kneel, and beg for forgiveness. He will snort and toss that lovely hair of his, and then tell you that he expects far better in the future…_

But the fantasy could not hold against the reality, which was that his lord and he had not had an actual exchange of words for many, many months now, and that Ciel was unlikely to expect anything from him anymore.

Ignoring the strange twisting in his gut, Sebastian reached out and– almost reluctantly– swung open the office door before him. Two bodies lay on the floor, one notably the head of the drug dealers, the other emanating a holy aura even in death.

Sebastian kneeled and grasped a heavy chain with a lightly-trembling hand. The mangled cuffs were tinged red, and smelled heavily of his master and _fear. _It hit him suddenly that Ciel had feared these restraints and the circumstances surrounding them, that he had called out to _Sebastian,_ and that he had ignored his master's cries for help, had even _hoped _for something to hurt him…

He violently tossed the bindings away and stood there awhile.

Ciel had _left_ and though he had not died as he had assumed, the fact that Sebastian himself had pushed him to this point– that drove the tall, proud being to slump against the wall, all but crumpling amongst shards of glass and blood and gore. He placed his heavy head in slim, pale hands and did something demons rarely did– he regret.

_(he ignored his composure, his façade for the moment because Ciel was– is– would always be eternally tied to him, he would always feel him, feel the need to aid him, would always __**yearn**__ for him)_

What was he to do now, with his Ciel gone? How was he to find him? Sebastian had no questions about his lord's competency about caring for himself any longer. _After all, he's practically been taking care of himself these past years, hasn't he, Butler? _The traitorous thought crept in unwanted and stuck, lancing Sebastian with guilt and something… something piercing… a sort of panic he was unaccustomed to swirled about him–

What if he _never _found his master?

Once again hysteria crept upon him, pulling heartstrings he didn't know existed too tight– _much too tight they'll snap soon Ciel they'll stretch and they'll tear and what will you do then? Will you have use for a demon with a torn heart, my lord?_– he almost turned to ask the boy so but he was gone, a shadow ripped apart by the wind and Sebastian _howled._

**88888888**

**(1): I see the contract link between Ciel and Sebastian as something tangible to both parties, especially now that Ciel is a demon himself. This is a silly example, but imagine that both of them have those phones that plug in (wow ancient history I know), but the sockets to the phones are with the opposite person. So what Ciel has done is he's 'unplugged' Sebastian's side of the connection by rejecting it. However they're technically still contracted (because the contract can't be broken) and Sebastian can still sense his existence, but can no longer locate Ciel on a whim and he can't tell when Ciel wants/needs him. Make sense?**

**Probably not.**

**That was **_**much **_**too emotional for our boys, in my opinion. But the plot bunny wouldn't leave and its 4 in the morning so I'll allow myself this little dash of OOC. Alrighty folks, so there's your chapter one. Chapter two should be a bit a little bit more plot-driven and a little less angsty. Though I can't make any promises, as Sebastian's practically begging for some woe with that stupid unfeeling face of his.**

**Besides, he's a total dick.**

**-**_**Renjenn**_


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